Theatre pecking order

Producer:

• Leaps Tall Buildings In A Single Bound
• Is More Powerful Than A Locomotive
• Is Faster Than A Speeding Bullet
• Walks On Water
• Gives Policy To God
  

Director:

• Leaps Short Buildings In A Single Bound
• Is More Powerful Than A Switch Engine
• Is Just As Fast As A Speeding Bullet
• Walks On Water If The Sea Is Calm
• Talks With God
  

Playwright:

• Leaps Short Buildings With A Running Start
• Is Almost As Powerful As A Switch Engine
• Is Faster Than A Speeding BB
• Swims Well
• Is Occasionally Addressed By God
  

Actor:

• Makes High Marks On The Wall When Trying To Leap Buildings
• Is Run Over By Locomotives
• Can Sometimes Handle A Gun Without Inflicting Self-Injury
• Dog Paddles
• Talks To Animals
  

Technicians:

• Runs Into Buildings
• Recognizes Locomotives Two Out Of Three Times
• Is Not Issued Ammunition
• Can Stay Afloat With A Life Preserver
• Talks To Walls
  

Chorus member:

• Falls Over Doorsteps When Trying To Enter Buildings
• Says, "Look At The Choo-Choo!"
• Wets Self With A Water Pistol
• Plays In Mud Puddles
• Mumbles To Self
  

Stage Manager:

• Lifts Buildings And Walks Under Them
• Kicks Locomotives Off The Track
• Catches Speeding Bullets In Teeth And Eats Them
• Freezes Water With A Single Glance
• IS God!